Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Bored, so Iām going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him Iām him from the future.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?