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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.