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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
The problem with diets is pizza.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.