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Does the Food Network deliver?
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.