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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it