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How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....