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Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
One day I hope to understand the phrase "more money, more problems"
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking