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No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"