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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...