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Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.