Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.