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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.