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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.