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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.