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I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.