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I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers