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Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?