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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip