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My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
High-five a veteran today.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
Tieam... problem solved