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Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."