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Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"