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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
Question everything...Or should you?
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.