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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.