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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Tieam... problem solved
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?