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K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.