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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
I am the bestest at the English language...
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.