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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener