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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.