Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.