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Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.