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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.