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I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.