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It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.