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Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
Tieam... problem solved
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.