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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.