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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.