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I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?