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I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"