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Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.