Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.