Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but Iām still looking.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.