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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Tieam... problem solved
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"