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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
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Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
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I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
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I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
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All milk is breast milk.
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If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
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Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
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Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
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This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
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I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
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"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
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12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
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Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
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I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
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Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.
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