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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
At least a stalker is there for you.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.