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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
why do i feel like you are reading this
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.