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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?