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I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"