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Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?