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I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.