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Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
If you tickle me, Iām not responsible for your injuries.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married