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When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
Running behind is my cardio.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.