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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?