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Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.