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I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.