Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....