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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.