Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.