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I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!