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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
Youth is wasted on the young.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.