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When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.