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How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
if you want me to go running with you, I´m going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?