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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
So long pants! See you Monday!
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?