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This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?