Daily Silly Status

I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.

If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?

When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.

Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.

Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist

Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.

You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.

all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day

What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?

The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.

My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.