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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow