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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>