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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
A leaf blower, but for people.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.