Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you