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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.