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that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, Iād like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.