Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.