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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.