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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.