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I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.