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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.