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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.