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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep