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Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.