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When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted