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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.