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Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
I’m bored enough to clean.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.