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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.