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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.