Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.