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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.