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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.