Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
My weekends are basically just spent splitting a bloomin` onion with my bros at Outback Steakhouse while trying to figure out why girls don`t like us.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.